That’s because the second noble truth is that there’s a cause to it. There’s a reason. What’s the cause? Then they say, “Hey, there’s going to be a way out, there’s got to be a way to take care of this.” They come up with the eightfold path, which is part of the four noble truths, that’s how that whole thing works. These are the basic tenets of Buddhism.
The eightfold path is pretty basic to Buddhism, and this is all written in a specific language and a specific sort of foreign bunch of references. The English version of it is much simpler, but it does show how the focus shifts from external behavior to internal behavior. The first noble truth is “right view.” Occasionally they’re in a different order, but this is the basic order:
- Right view
- Right resolve
- Right speech
- Right conduct
- Right livelihood
- Right effort
- Right attention or mindfulness
- Right concentration
This is the basic stuff that Buddha taught. This was like his first teaching. They call it the first turn of the wheel of dharma. At any rate, this is the basic stuff. He’s like, “Look, I live in this great castle, I left, I lived with nothing, I ate almost nothing, I starved, I’ve seen all this stuff, I sat under a tree until I realized this, and this is the basic reality.” With Buddhism, they have a count for everything. It’s kind of an interesting thing.
So what are we talking about when we’re saying that women are unsatisfied and what men can essentially do about it? Here’s the thing, women are not happy. They are sexual beings but they’re not being satisfied sexually. What they say on, let’s go to a reliable source, let’s go to ABC news, I don’t know what you think about them. This is the public knowledge, back in 2009 was the last thing, and they’re saying 75% of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone. That means only 1 in 4 ever orgasms through intercourse. Not like, has it every time. Then there’s the statistics about how many clitoral orgasms they’re capable of having, what the percentage is. They’re saying it’s elusive. I’ll look for a better set of statistics. Only 25% consistently orgasm during vaginal intercourse. This one probably is the same study. One just says “ever” and the other says “consistently have orgasms.”
At any rate, only one in a quarter reliably experience orgasm during intercourse, no matter how long it lasts, no matter the size of the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man in the relationship. Oh. Well that’s a completely different statistic. I don’t know which of these 33 studies over the past 80 years. About half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse, and about 20% seldom or never have orgasms during intercourse. 5% never have orgasms, period. In 2014, Cosmopolitan writes, “Why so many women never had an orgasm.” Okay there’s a story in here, but here it says that 75% of men climax every time they have intercourse. I should have my research done before I turn the recorder on. What I’m going to do is look up the statistics that I want to include, and we’ll include them. This goes into cultural stuff about hookups and all.
Most men have a climax every time they have sex, not most women do that, and that’s kind of what it comes down to. There’s an imbalance in many ways. The responsibility for this is shared in a lot of ways, and there’s some specific ways that is happening. For instance, men are not inspired, and it might be because they don’t believe that they can, or that they’re capable. I mean there’s just so much spoken about men who orgasm when the women are not having orgasm. There’s just so much written and spoken and known about that that it’s hard to even go into, but there is a certain sense of “I’m getting what’s mine.”
I mean I’ve talked to guys who feel like that. However, their whole approach to sex is wrong. Let me rephrase that. It’s not wrong. It may be unskillful. The sense of mutual experience is the more skillful path, wherein both individuals are experiencing her pleasure, let’s just say. If the focus is on her pleasure, then the whole sexual act takes on a new and less time-dependent dimension. Men need to learn to vary things like speed and intensity and what they’re saying and doing and feeling on the inside. I certainly don’t think that’s counting baseballs or whatever. I don’t even know what that was. Baseball stats or whatever people do when they’re trying not to experience pleasure doesn’t fit. It is to experience all the pleasure you possibly can and make that be the pathway that you take. It might take a little reversal and some thinking and some getting stuff done, but I for the man’s part, this is a much more skillful way to approach it and maybe it’s not about the man’s body. The experience of all the pleasure is the pathway to connection. In that way, this shared pleasure can become a shared experience in a more deep and meaningful way. That is one of the ways in which retention of the semen is learned, and this is not a skill to be taken lightly. This is an important skill for all men to have, for all men and boys to develop.
It’s likely to make one of the biggest differences that any behavioral change could make in the planet, and that this is true for every aspect of it. It is equally important, as is the need to drastically reduce the hydrocarbon emissions into the atmosphere, C02 and whatever other things are going on. There are a lot of things going on, so those things are important. The thing is the way that it goes about happening with women, because women’s experience can be led by their partner. That’s the easiest way to do it. If the men take charge of the woman’s experience, if they take responsibility for her pleasure, for her enjoyment in the experience, that’s the trick, you know? All women have got the same basic equipment. While some people’s legs are designed well for running and other people’s legs aren’t even capable of holding their body up, there are exceptions to the rule, but here’s the rule: If one woman can do it, all women can do it. It’s just a matter of doing it, and their partner helping to lead the way into getting it done. Men need to man up and take responsibility for it.
There are ways for it to happen, and the ways for it to happen are largely through intimacy and connection. A lot if other things that can help. We have anchoring techniques and things that can certainly help to enhance the experience, and one of the biggest problems here is that men have not taken responsibility for their partner’s pleasure, for their partner’s experience. Men and women would be better considering their partner’s experience in a lot of other ways as well, but definitely in here, because it has to be about that shared mutual pleasure, for the opening the spiritual aspect, to really be present.
Orgasm
Now I’m not recommending any particular style or anything else. All styles are capable of allowing for the type of experience that I’m referring to, and by that I mean still meditative postures such as tantra or even BDSM scenes can create the same kind of thing, although that’s a little different.That’s what I’ve experienced. I’ve experienced that kind of connection, and that kind of connection opens the door to an even bigger sense of spaciousness, so love, compassion, and empathy all come into play during this process. Appreciation and mutual experience of mutual appreciation, these things are worth more than gold to some people. These experiences should be more common.
This should be the experience that people are having over one another while making love. I sadly fear that many people use sex to avoid intimacy. When you begin to use sex to avoid intimacy, you begin to avoid sex and the whole thing. The pleasure is not really there. It doesn’t do what it could be doing. People need to know what it could be doing, and the men need to know that they need to step up and lead the way. Women probably want them to do that.
